


black butterflies and déjà vu

by heyitsbabz



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Band exists, Fluff, Have a Good Day, Love Confessions, M/M, Song fic, True Love, and it spiralled into this, at least I wrote something right, bisexual! Josh, can't relate tho!, i wrote this at 2am, im out yo, references, this started off as a drabble, what a beautiful thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-26 20:54:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10794585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyitsbabz/pseuds/heyitsbabz
Summary: Just another lovesick afternoon.





	black butterflies and déjà vu

**Author's Note:**

> my sappy mf ass couldn't help itself!
> 
> this is based off the song black butterflies and déjà vu by the maine :)

Tyler has done this a million times.

He’s standing in front of the venues bathroom mirror after finishing up sound checking for the show, trying to work up the courage to finally talk to Josh and tell him how he feels. It’s the same pep talk he gives himself every day, the _you can do it, what’s the worst thing that can happen? Even if he doesn't feel the same, Josh would never abandon you, come on, come on, come on._

They’re playing a show in LA tonight and Tyler was planning to ask Josh to show him around since he lived here (most of the time) when they weren't on tour. In his head, Josh agrees happily and as they're roaming the beautiful city Josh calls home, Tyler would just… casually confess his feelings.

Only when Tyler finally splashes his face with cold water in the hopes of psyching himself up and leaves the washroom to find Josh, his gut clenches with a bad feeling in it and his nerves rise up again.

He finds Josh right as he’s about to take off, though Tyler doesn't realize it at first.

“Hey.” He greets Josh and smiles brightly, showing the confidence he wishes he could actually feel.

“Hey yourself,” Josh grins back, making Tyler’s mouth go dry. He swallows thickly, his eyes darting to the ground for a second.

_Just spit it out._

“I was wondering i-if you would, uh,” Tyler’s cheeks flush in embarrassment at the way he was stuttering. For someone who’s suppose to have a way with words, he does a poor job of using them. “If you would want to show me around?”

“Oh.” Josh’s face falls and Tyler feels his panic rise, his throat constricting as though he’s being choked. “I’m sorry Tyler, I would, but I told Debby I'd hang out with her.”

Of course.

How hadn't he seen that coming? Sweet, perfect Josh had mentioned his excitement about seeing his ex-girlfriend Debby again. Tyler knew Josh was hoping to rekindle whatever they’d lost when they were both too busy to continue their relationship.

“Right, sorry, I forgot.” Tyler mumbles, his voice cracking as he looks away and it makes him wince.

_Just tell him._

“Sorry.” Josh touches his arm to get his attention. He gets it, Tyler could never _not_ focus on Josh and he wishes he could wipe the apologetic look off his face. “I'll show you around tomorrow, promise. We have the day off.”

And when Josh starts smiling again, Tyler can't even open his mouth and ruin it. He just sucks it up like a big boy, like he always does, and smiles back, feigning his happiness like it’s secondhand nature.

At this point it was. Being with Josh every day, but not _being_ with him _hurts_. It hurts him down to his core, crushing his heart into more and more tiny pieces every day that passes.

One day he’ll lose his chance to tell him completely and he’ll only have himself to blame.

But today? Today, Tyler does what any other best friend would do.

“Yeah, man. Don't worry about it.” Tyler forces out a laugh. “Have fun. Hopefully I see you at the show.”

Josh laughs at Tyler’s weak attempt at a joke and for now, _for now_ , Tyler thinks that it's enough.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

 

* * *

 

During the show, Tyler can't keep his eyes off of Josh.

He can't believe that this boy, this beautiful boy could even be associated with a lost cause like him. He can't believe that he got lucky enough to meet Josh when he did, his life having been hanging by a thin thread before he was in it. He can’t believe he’s fallen so helplessly in love with him, putting himself in the way of potential heartbreak willingly and without a single regret.

Tyler watches Josh drum, complimenting him whenever he gets the chance. On stage is one of the only places Tyler _does_ feel confident enough to do and say all the things he wishes he would when he’s off it.

“Give it up for my good friend Josh Dun on the drums!” He points to Josh from the piano and watches Josh wave the crowd off bashfully, banging a beat on his drums.

Josh looks over at him and beams when they lock eyes, mouthing _you’re doing amazing_ to him and Tyler’s stomach erupts with butterflies.

Being friends with Josh will never be enough for Tyler, but in that moment, he feels like everything will end up okay.

 

* * *

 

Josh does end up keeping his promise, showing Tyler all of his favourite spots; the first thing he does is take him hiking in the morning, ignoring all of Tyler’s groans of protest.

“We have to go now or else people will recognize us, you know?” Josh had said.

“No, they won't.” Tyler had whined back from his suddenly overly comfy hotel bed.

“It’s Los Angeles,” Josh grabbed Tyler’s hand and pulled him up, shocking a gasp from his chapped lips. “They always notice.”

He takes him to breakfast and Tyler miserably tries not to think about how this could have been a date if he would have just confessed sooner. Josh takes him to his favourite record shop, the Hollywood Walk of Fame and everywhere and anywhere, but Tyler never has the guts to tell him like he’d planned out in his head.

Josh’s yellow hair peaks out from his hat, his eyes shining brightly and his skin glistening with sweat as the sun beams down on them. Tyler watches him with a renewed love and curiosity, his heart hurting with all the things he won't bring himself to say. Josh is talking to him fondly about all the things he loves about his home and it hits him harder than anything he's ever felt when he realizes that this place, this part of Josh’s life, doesn't involve him.

It doesn't involve him and it _hurts_.

As soon as they play their last show tomorrow, Tyler is going to be on his way back to Ohio, back to _his_ home and Josh will stay here to make amends with Debby.

Tyler doesn't realize he’s stopped walking with the realization until Josh places a hand to his cheek, snapping him back to reality. Shock settles on his face as he looks into Josh’s concerned eyes, his mouth pursed worriedly.

“Are you okay?”

Tyler opens his mouth to speak, to tell him that everything is fine, why wouldn't it be? He goes to tell him that he’s as good as can be and to force out a laugh like he always does. He tries to tell him, to fake it until he leaves to go back to Ohio, but nothing leaves his mouth.

Not a single sound.

It’s so unlike anything that’s ever happened to him, but the feeling of Josh’s hand on his face and the way he’s looking at him just makes his adoration flare wildly in his chest. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

“I can't do this.” Tyler manages to whisper, horrified.

“What?” Josh’s voice sounds so worried, it brings a smile to Tyler’s lips.

“God, Josh, I can’t keep pretending.” Tyler groans, the confused look on Josh’s face urging him to continue. “I’ve been trying to tell you for so long, you have _no_ idea, but… I never find the right words.”

“I am so happy I have you in my life, Josh. I could never say it enough and I never want to lose you, that isn't my intention with this, you gotta believe me, but I need you to understand.” Tyler continues, feeling the hand on his cheek begin to shake as he leans further into it for comfort.

“You’re scaring me, Tyler.” Josh admits and Tyler shakes his head, trying to ease the other boys anxiety.

They probably look nothing out of the ordinary, Tyler thinks, because people walk around them and continue about their day like they see this happen all the time.

“You’re not dying are you?” Josh asks desperately, his voice high with fear.

Tyler laughs loudly out of shock. Typical Josh jumping to the worst case scenario.

“No, Josh. I'm not dying,” Tyler tells him awed, a soft smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. “I’m in love with you.”

“You’re—” Josh goes to say, but Tyler cuts him off.

“How could I not be? You’re everything to me, Josh. I can't even begin to paint the picture on how much I love everything about you—how flawed and _real_ you are. It’s—you make me feel like anything is possible, like I have a purpose and when I feel like I've lost it, you’re there. It’s you who brings me back to myself when my head starts agreeing with the darkness,” Tyler rambles, his thoughts incoherent to himself, but it’s out there now. “It's always you. I don't know how else to tell you, I’ve been searching for the right words for months and all I can think up is this—this _mess_.”

Josh is gaping at him, at his bitter confession with his eyes looking glossier than usual. Tyler backtracks right away.

“I wish I could—I don't know,” Tyler sighs, a sheepish smile on his face. “Not feel this way about you. I’m not supposed to fall in love with my best friend and if it makes you uncomfortable we can pretend I never said anything, but it feels so good to say it. I love you. _I love you_.”

To his surprise, Josh doesn’t tell him he’s disgusted with him or that he hates him. No, Josh just rolls his eyes the more Tyler talks and pulls him down to his level to press his lips to his to finally shut him up. The noise that rips it's way out of Tyler’s throat makes him want to die, but he easily slips his eyes shut and kisses him back, the faint taste of Josh’s coffee from breakfast still lingering on his lips.

Tyler’s never believed in cliches and he doesn't feel _fireworks_ or anything like that. What he does feel is his face heating up, a flush creeping up his neck to his cheeks at carelessly making out with his _best friend_ on a random street.

Everyone can deal with their sappy PDA, Tyler’s waited and wanted this for so long.

“It’s about time.” Josh says once they pull away, resting his forehead against Tyler’s.

Wait.

“What?” Tyler takes a step away and tilts his head in confusion. “You _knew?_ ”

Josh looks at him with an amused expression. “Of course I knew.”

“Why didn't you—” Tyler stops, squinting his eyes suspiciously at him. “What about Debby?”

“I was just trying to make you jealous enough to finally tell me,” Josh admits, looking a bit guilty. “Sorry.”

“You—What—I’m so confused.” Tyler whines, his head starting to hurt.

“I love you, Tyler.” Josh steps closer to him and kisses him again. “I love you and I wanted to mess with you.”

“You wanted—” Tyler starts to repeat, only to be interrupted by Josh’s lips. “—To mess with me.”

Josh hums against his lips, ignoring his incredulous look to mumble a soft _don't scare me like that ever again_ and Tyler starts giggling, his heart practically singing with happiness.

“Oh my god, how did you find out?”

“Well,” Josh says seriously, pulling away to look him in the eyes. “You told Mark, who told Michael, who told his wife, who accidentally told my mom, who told my _sister—_ ”

“I can't trust _anyone!_ ” Tyler interrupts with a groan, but Josh nuzzles his face in his neck and everything feels right in the world.

“Hop on the gossip train to gossipville,” Josh plants a wet kiss to his neck and pulls back with a wicked smirk on his face. “Wanna have some fun with announcing us to everyone?”

Tyler’s heart aches in the best way possible as he crosses his arms, mirroring Josh’s smile.

“Oh, I’m listening.”

 

* * *

 

Their big plan to announce themselves discreetly to everyone turned out to be making out before the show and having Tyler’s paint smear up all over Josh’s body.

The entire point was to have everyone go crazy with wonder and it works like a charm.

Josh ends up going back to Ohio with Tyler to properly announce their relationship to their families.

( _“Guys, I'm in love with a man. The man next to me actually, y’know, Josh. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for Josh? You betcha.” Tyler announced jokingly, his siblings bursting into laughter._

_“I wish I could say I'm surprised, but…” His mom shrugs knowingly, making Josh giggle next to him._

_“What your mother said,” His dad agreed, pointing between them. “Congrats and all, but no funny business in my house, ya hear?”_

_“Dad, I'm 28.” Tyler wheezed, completely mortified.)_

_  
(“Tyler and I are dating.” Josh said, straight to the point while Tyler choked on his water next to him._

_All he got from Josh’s family were cheers and ‘it’s about time’s!’)_

The two had decided to keep it a secret from the fans, not out of spite, but because they enjoyed their privacy. This was a special secret between the two of them and besides, it was fun to see how long they could hide it.

It was like a game to see who would slip up first.

It doesn't happen until the day Tyler posts a picture of the two of them kissing under the Eiffel Tower on Instagram with the caption ‘ _I said yes_ ’ and practically breaks the clique.

Josh being the deviant he is decides to add fuel to the fire, copying Tyler with the picture and only changing his caption to ‘ _He wasn't going to ask, so I did it. Meet my fiancé Tyler. He’s the lead singer of my favourite band!_ ’


End file.
